Post 34: Lightness.

Hello

A post from my #keyboard pen! yeah!!

Attention new saK dump, sensitive souls refrain!

Cancer can make… uh how to say “dirty”… Excuse us… Oops

Especially afterwards, let's say that it often plunges us into mystical, essential reflections, well yes, when you have touched the fear of going through it, you don't ask yourself the same questions as people who are well...

On the one hand the “good mood” action plan is plentiful, on the other hand, Cancer isolates, it is undeniable, so if we do not want to become a shaman or a good sister, let us sometimes keep for ourselves secret garden (our essential psychologist or a circle of initiates, a hand-picked crew from the hit parade of benevolent people) our transcendental reflections, which can really piss off ordinary mortals..

So be careful! I'm not saying not to talk about it, ESPECIALLY not, but finding a path to social reintegration also means listening to the dramas of the existential spectrum of others.

If you spend your life only wanting to touch on the essential, you become, as I would put it... uh... well, a bit boring! (I think I paid the price).

It took me a long, long time to gain some perspective on the issue, already because I didn't feel like everyone else (in relation to infertility and my life was put on hold for almost 2 years , the time I couldn't catch up, in short), during my reintegration into the world of those who are doing well, I had a serious nervous break down which lasted almost a year and a half... and felt more isolated than ever... .

For what ? because my friends, my close circle, so happy to know I was out of trouble, wanted to see me live again as before (and then let's face it, they have their lives too). Except that, well, it doesn't come back in 2 days, you have to digest the beast, accept , abdicate and everything, and "metabolize" what you have just gone through.

Then, came the moment where finally (seasoned egoist) I was able to open my eyes or rather my ears wider (well helped by my dream team, P. of course and my BFFs)…

A re-selection was necessary:

1/ select those who still wanted to listen to my problems (which still resurface regularly, such as the happy ones: stress of exams , fear of the future , the BB question, because yes it happens from time to time even though I I'm really freaked out, and that's normal)

2/ see those who live carefreely again because it feels good too, remake the world on the terrace because I am also from the Bataclan generation (#rebel #not even afraid of fanatic idiots – uh no that's not true they scare me very much but that's another subject), talking rags, Nouvelle Star (yes yes my passion, I secretly dream of being a singer since I was very young but no one has yet discovered my well-hidden talent), crying over my last failed pedicure, I missed all that too...

During the war NO STRESS we have ALL the rights, and again 6 months after the announcement of remission, but afterward at work, reintegration into social and collective life yay!

I have become healthier, I don't drink (I don't like that), I eat almost 100% ORGANIC, I do sports, I only read Ayurvedic books (no that's not true either), clearly , all of this can annoy those around me and myself (you have to remobilize all your lucidity and objectivity to simply admit that the life of "normal" people ALSO has its share of problems) so as I often say (I rambles quite a bit, it's my menopausal side with physical problems of osteoporosis of centenarians, senility threatens me) we all need lightness in this world of brutes ultimately.

And then, must I admit, the Bobo lobby and/or the transcendental, green and healthy lesson-givers, previously pissed me off royally, even more so today a little too (no offense to fans of the genre)…

So even if I decided to take care of myself, I must not do it to others who are not ready (even if they are wrong haha ​​let's give them time), because deep down I regret so much often this carelessness evaporates, I don't want to be relegated to Cancer fighter only. I also have “dramatic” everyday problems to resolve and I love that, I missed it so much, such as: the other dream of my life ie the last sublime, unaffordable sweater sold out, then call a friend to complain about it, it's missing! Bellowing in my car like a fishmonger (no offense if you're a fishmonger eh) because of the BEEP…. Who is not moving forward... or the BIP which has just given me a fish tail, or even boo it's June it's the showers of March, boo I'm fed up with the strikers (no offense ditto).

So a call to action and very targeted towards those around you! Guys, I've been through hell (I still like to remember it sometimes with those who will listen) but I'm tired of only talking about that, don't worry, I want to night club, laugh, sing for your greatest pleasure, because in fact, well I'm fucking normal!!

And when I go into mystical reflections that annoy you, well just tell me “stop, you're annoying there, I don't want to hear about it", I haven't been too shy about telling you when your subjects don't didn't interest me, do the same with me!

Yes, yes, I promise, I'm ready!

All this to come to where? that well yes this illness has burned with a hot iron in my flesh the after-effects which are still raw; that my life will be different, just different, not less good, just different (a post on the possibility of being happy later will undoubtedly come one of these 4 if my schedule as a single minister at the helm of a hyper-versatile startup me permits).

That I have managed to turn it into a strength and that I am very proud of it (yes, I am not ashamed to show off – self-love is good sometimes), but that I am still Charlotte who slams all the money she doesn't have in fashion "essentials", sometimes fashion faux pas (related to a last disastrous purchase).

For example, I just slammed my PEL for baby dog ​​Golden who is arriving, so that he will be the most “stylish” of the doggies!

I'm alive, still with a sword of Damocles above my head but that's not what's going to stop me from moving forward, enjoying and living!! And then I'm going to say it, let's get started: today I'm fine (phew hard to say but it's reality #lucky me), my onco appointment from a few days ago will re-confirm it for me yay !

So the ex fighters who read me, take this post as you wish, it is of course just my personal opinion, but for those who feel ready, let's broaden our field of vision, we still fought like animals to life, let's not become isolated mystical bores, we can talk about everything between us, we understand each other, but let's think of those who were lucky enough not to know this shit, let's open our ears and our hearts very wide!

For those who are fighting, “take full advantage” of this right (unfortunate of course) but once in your life be 100% selfish you can say fuck everything!!

OK, kiss

I'm going back to watch the Replay of Nightmare in the Kitchen, uh no sorry I meant my last attempt at Fienlkelkraut.

@ more.

Charlotte.

*Explanation on the title of the post:

“Lightness”, a title inspired by the very beautiful comic strip by Catherine Meurisse , survivor of the Charlie Hebdo massacre, because in a very different form, after having gone through hell, what also connects us to life is to find a little lightness, through beauty, culture, all these pillars which I believe save us, in a world that is going badly... including through banalities which seem so futile on the scale of the ordeal but which gives us so much air. We breathe and open our eyes wide, looking carefully, this world is beautiful, beautiful!