Post 16: fear / anger / loneliness = my tips...
Fear / anger / loneliness / incomprehension: my tips to combat!
Mister K, even if I try to humanize him through my blog, no, it's false, I don't want to humanize him under any circumstances! I want to provide my best weapons to fight him with my good old road tips, but let's be clear it's still, above all, a lot of shit that falls on you...
During my fight, which I tried to lead in the most "positive" way possible, there are nevertheless darker realities that I must admit...
Today I'm going to address a few themes with my psychologist jargon, which (I think) are familiar to all K fighters & most certainly their loved ones ;)
Well yes, even the most positive K fighter in the world is often overtaken by his down to earth demons. Once all my positive energy/dynamics were discharged, the truth is that regularly, this long marathon plunged me into less cool phases... Less cool, for me first, but also for my support team, phases of great neurasthenia / depression / anxiety, finally a long list of words that make you dream!
Here are the frequent states in which I have been plunged; but to remain faithful to the intention of my blog, I will still find a way to give you my favorite method: PROBLEM = MY TIPS TO FIGHT (or PQSR: no Question without Answer)
(I obviously don't claim that these tips are miraculous, but they may be able to help some ;))
In summary the main states were:
- the feeling of loneliness
- the feeling of incomprehension
THE FEAR :
Well, we're not going to lie, Mister K 's announcement is never immediately “festive” news. I believe that unanimously, the first natural reaction is to face, on the one hand, one's carefreeness shattered in 2 seconds, and on the other hand to face THE question that terrorizes everyone: fear to go through it...
“ All men are afraid, everyone. He who is not afraid is not normal; it has nothing to do with courage. ”
SARTRE in Les Chemins de la Liberté.
I admit that before the announcement of my K at 27, I had not been confronted with this idea of being able to die faster than expected... so that sets the record straight for you, but "the "advantage" when you are afraid of dying is that it awakens in you a staggering rage for life! I believe that it is by clinging to this fatal terror that I was able to draw my best resources, because I care about life, I care about my future, my projects, my loved ones, for them, for me it we have to fight!
The other state, on the other hand, motivated by fear, was anger, a very strong anger, an anger of incredible violence, a devastating rage, obviously suffered by the first line of supporters…. The poor: P., my parents, my supportive Dream Team…
But this anger is justified, right? I don't think you need to have done mate sup to understand it!
THE FEELING OF LONELINESS:
Illness isolates, it's undeniable, even when surrounded, I was alone in my body and in my head. No one other than me knew how to feel my pain, my invading terrors; but the oddly enough advantage of solitude is that it allows you to know yourself better. I can say today that before this ordeal, I did not know how to be alone, nor who I really was, what I really loved.. And as P. often told me " to know how to be happy with others you have to know how to be happy alone ", I chose the option of starting by knowing how to be alone in suffering but it is a good alternative to knowing what makes you happy, than knowing what makes you unhappy; )
THE FEELING OF MISUNDERSTANDING:
Very often the K fighter feels misunderstood, but this is linked to the “feeling of loneliness” theme seen above. I often felt misunderstood because I was the only one feeling the pain or the mounting anxiety, but ultimately wouldn't the solution to feeling better understood simply be to explain it calmly?
Well, I grant you, explaining pain is not easy, but materializing emerging anxiety is possible, if you have a person in front of you ready to listen ;)
My “tips” to overcome these unwanted effects:
The fighting kit is on the move! we sit down and read carefully, for all these effects that no one likes to suffer, I had found “solutions”!
- WRITE (or draw, paint)
- stupid myself by playing CANDY CRUSH
- SUPPORT TEAM
Talking sounds stupid, but it's not always so easy... Learning to speak well is not so easy, but the only advantage that Mister K can bring to one's life is to free oneself from the diktats, and become free! Free to speak, free from all social barriers, free to think and say what is in our hearts! It is the booster trigger that opens the way to transparency and sincerity!
And take advantage of it, it's the only moment in life, where you can do anything: shout, scream! if it makes you feel better ;)
To know how to speak you must first know how to listen to yourself, to listen to yourself and not live in denial of yourself, you can help yourself, I decided to help myself thanks to my wonderful Psy : D . All the resources were in me, but thanks to him he turned the key to open the door of my words.
Then to speak you need good listening, as I said in my post 5 on "the phases to avoid when dealing with the K fighter" , find the ability to listen to someone who knows how to listen, and who will by listening look for solutions alongside you... For me, I admit that I was lucky: P., my parents, my friends were incredible listeners, and fundamental pillars.
I tell it to myself by saying that I learned to speak, but my best method for speaking accurately and well was to write, as soon as I had put my finger on the reality of my anxieties, my first technique for initiating the talk, was to write. Writing is liberating, writing is putting all your thoughts spontaneously on paper or keyboard, without taking the risk of being interrupted, and giving free rein to your thoughts. The best way I found to express my terrible fears of death to those close to me was to write to them. I was incapable of facing their gaze bathed in tears, or their lost gaze paralyzed by the fear of this reality exposed in full view. whip. Writing allowed me to free myself, but to free them too, to open the door for them to understand what we couldn't say, to admit the obvious in writing, I emptied my bag, and they took the time and energy to understand and better support me :)
(There is an option to write for yourself btw ;) which can also be a very good stress release)
CANDY CRUSH ADDIKT:
My intention is not to receive “ King ” royalties, but know that Candy Crush plays a fundamental role in my fight and I am not ashamed to say it!
Everyone has their own thing, but this mind-numbing find was also my therapy! Alone in front of my iPad, time passed very quickly, over the worlds that I “worked” sometimes 8 hours a day, I did not feel the time passing, and especially no time to think!
Finding an addiction, no matter how stupid, like a mind-numbing game, was an outlet that was essential for me! Well, the problem is withdrawal when the path begins to become clearer, now I have exchanged Candy Crush for my work, my blog, my life to rebuild, my loved ones, sport, I admit I am quite busy ;) But at the time I had to fuel my endless bed-ridden days with something that prevents me from thinking ;)
> the main idea is to find a substitute to escape! The following options are also important: listen to your favorite "good mood" music loudly, walk, go to a place that recharges your batteries if your energy allows.... and many others
THE SUPPORT TEAM:
I said above that illness is isolating, it’s true, but being supported is essential! Once you have given the keys to your loved ones, you will sometimes have to force yourself to accept the hands that are outstretched, I had become quite extremely savage and few were able to tame me! Yet they succeeded, and all in their own way were shock actors/motors/boosters, to arm my fight!
Thank you P., my wonderful parents, my friends, I fought thanks to you too! I love you ! Thank you to exist ! :)
“ A friend is the one who always knows when we need him. ”
according to JULES RENARD I didn't lack friends .
Here you have just attended my free psychologist session ;)
I hope this helps you and don't forget! Do not hesitate to get help from professionals, psychologists of any category / any method!
The key words to remember are to put all the chances on your side to arm yourself with 200% strength, for that, you clearly need to clear your mind to fight as “lightly” as possible! Painkillers can be prescribed to help you, don't hesitate to ask ;)
I am aware, believe me, of the phases of immense distress that Mister K can cause! But even if the road is hard! even if the road is long! even if the road seems endless, you have to fight! and to fight well you have to arm yourself !
Go to war with any means possible !
Have a nice day everyone
See you in 2 weeks for new tips!
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Fear / anger / feeling lonely: my tips to fight!
Mister K even though i try through my blog to make him look more human, no that's wrong i do not want to be human, i want to deliver the best guns to fight him with my tricks, but let's speak honestly when it comes to you it's a fucking thing that shows up…
During my fight that I tried to lead in the best positive way there are however realities, dark ones that I have to admit…
Today I will approach those themes with my psychologist language born in a bar that I believe will make sense to all the K fighters and probably to their loved ones.
Yes, even the strongest and most positive K fighter can feel down.
Once that all my energy / Dynamism would run out, the truth is that frequently this marathon would dive me in less cool moments…. Less cool, first for me, but also my support team, moments of depression/anxiety/neurasthenia as you can a nice list!
Here are the conditions in which I could be frequently be, but to stay loyal to the intention of this blog I will however find a way to deliver my favorite method:
Problems: My tips to fight against
(I do not pretend that these tips are miraculous, but they can help some ;-))
To summarize, the principles states were:
- The feeling of being alone
- The feeling of being misunderstood
Let's not lie to each other, the announcement of Mister K is never a joyful news.
I believe that for everyone, the first natural reaction is to see in front of you, the loss of frivolity in 2 seconds and on the other side the fear to confront THE question that scares everyone: the fear of disappearing…
To be honest before the announcement of my K at 27, I never confronted the thought of dying earlier than expected… so let's say that it puts the clock back on time, so the good thing of being afraid of dying is that awake in you a want to live! I believe that by linking my thoughts to this fear, I managed to reconnect to my inner self where i found the biggest resources, because I love life, i have faith in my future, in my projects, i love my friends and for them and for myself I have to fight!
The other state that motivated by fear was angerness, an anger that was very strong, an anger that was very violent, a devastating rage, that was endured by my front row of supporters… Poor them: P., my parents, my dream team of support…
But this anger was justified, right..?
The sickness , itself, even though I was very assisted, I was alone in my body & in my head. No one else but me could feel my pain, my invasive concerns, but the weird fact of loneliness is that you learn to get you to know yourself better; I can affirm today that before this battle I didn't know what it was to be alone, neither who I really was, or what I really liked… And like P often said to be able to be happy with the others you need to be happy by yourself, me I choose the option of learning to be happy by myself in pain but it is a good alternative to know what makes you happy, and to know what makes you unhappy ;)
THE FEELING OF MISUNDERSTANDING:
Very often the K fighter feels misunderstood, and it is linked to the feeling of being alone (see above). I often felt misunderstood because I was the only one to feel the pain or the anxiety grow, but finally the solution to feel understood isn't just to clearly and calmly explain it?
Well to explain the pain it isn't easy, but to materialize an anxiety that grows it's possible when you have in front of you a person opened to listening ;)
My “tips” to avoid these undesirable effects:
The fighting Kit is ON! Sit and read carefully, for all the effects that no one likes to feel, I found the solutions!- talk -write - get stupid by playing candy crush - the support team
Talk, it seems stupid like this, but it isn't always easy…
Learn how to talk isn't easy but the only advantage that Mister K can bring into once life, is to liberate ourselves from the diktas and to become free!
Free of our own words, free of any social limits, free to think and to say what have in our heart!
It's the boost initiator that opens the way to transparency and honesty!
To know how to talk you need to know how to listen, to listen to ourself and not live in denial, we can help, I had decided to help myself thanks to my amazing shrink: D, all the resources were in me, but thanks to him he managed to find the key to open the door of my feelings.
After to talk you need a good ear, like I said in my post 5 the sentences to avoid, find the ear with someone who knows how to listen, and who listens looks for solutions…
For me I admit that I am lucky P., my parents, my friends were amazing listeners, and my fundamentals.
I am showing off that I learned to talk, but my best method to talk well & calmly, became to write, when I put the finger on the reality of my anxiety, the first way to calm down the bomb was to write.
To write is liberating, write is to put all our thoughts in a spontaneous way on paper or on screen, without taking the risk to be interrupted, and to let your conscious in a free way express itself.
The best way that I found to express my anxiety towards death to my friends was to address it to them by writing, I was incapable of confronting their sad expression with tears, or the lost look by the fear of being confronted to this. Write, helped me to liberate myself from this, but to liberate them as well, to open the door to understand what i couldn't say, admit the evidence by writing, i would empty my bag, and they would take the time needed and energy to understand and to be accompany me :-).
CANDY CRUSH ADDIKT:
My intention isn't to touch any “KING” royalties but please know that Candy Crush had a very big place in my fight and I am not ashamed to say it!
Everyone has their thought, but this stupid game became part of my therapy!
Alone in front of my ipad, time would fly away, next to the worlds i would “create”, i couldn't feel the time passing, and most importantly didn't have time to think!
Finding an addiction as stupid as a video game can be, helped me a lot!
Well the problem is to disconnect when the road gets lighter and brighter, now I have exchanged Candy Crush to my work, my blog, my life to rebuilt, my friends, sport, I admit I am quite busy ;) But at that time I needed to keep myself busy while stuck in bed and that would avoid me to reflect ;)
THE SUPPORT TEAM:
I was saying above that the sickness makes you feel lonely, it's true, but to bell well surrounded is vital! Once you will have given the keys to your environment, you will have to accept the stretch hands in front of you , I had become very wild and very few managed to approach me!
But the ones who did, and each in their own way were actors / driving forces / motivators to arm me for the battle
Thank you P., my amazing parents, my friends I fought thanks to you too
I love you so much! thank you for existing!
Here you just attended my free psychologist session :-)
I hope this will help and don't forget! Do not hesitate to ask for help by professionals, psych all categories / all methods!
The main keys to remember are to put all the chances on your side to be well equipped to fight this K, for this you have to clear your mind to be as light as possible! Even medicine can be prescribed for you, do not hesitate to ask for some ;)
I know trust me of the very though and long loneliness phases Mister K can create! but even if the road is long! even the road is though! even if the road seems to never-end you have to fight! and to fight in the best way you need to have the best arms!Go to war with all the means! Have a nice day! See you in 2 weeks for new tips! Charlotte
Read my previous posts:
- Post 3: CHEMO’S EVE
- Post 4: DAY FATER CHEMO
- Post 6: HAPPY HOUR MY CHEMO'S COCKTAILS
- Post 7: THE OBSESSION HAIR
- Post 8: BEAUTY KIT
- Post 9: THE LOOK DURING THE K
- Post 11: THE SIDE CARE // WELLNESS TREATMENTS
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